Fear of Flying: My Journey and Tips for You

The Sky Was Calling To Her, But She Was Afraid To Let Go And Fly

John Mark Green

If you saw my travel record,  more than 1.6 million miles flown, you might assume I glide onto airplanes with the calm of a seasoned pilot.

You would be very, very wrong.

I have been afraid of flying for as long as I can remember. Not mild nerves. Not “I don’t love turbulence.” I mean white-knuckle, heart-racing, deep-breathing, prayer-whispering fear. The kind that once sent my heart rate into the 180s after a particularly turbulent flight that left us circling for what felt like forever because it wasn’t safe to land during storms.

There was a moment after that flight when I truly believed I would never step onto an airplane again.

The problem?

I had to get on another one to go home.

Somewhere between gripping the armrest and bargaining with the universe, I made a decision that has shaped my life ever since:

I would not let fear take away something I love as much as travel.

And that decision,  stubborn, shaky, imperfect, is how I ended up here, still occasionally anxious in the air, still sometimes praying through turbulence… and still flying.

Fear of Flying Has a Name,  and a Lot of Company

Fear of flying is so common that it has a clinical name: aviophobia. Studies suggest that anywhere from 20–40% of people experience significant anxiety about flying. For some, it’s mild discomfort. For others, it’s panic-level fear.

And it makes sense.

We’re strapped into a metal tube, 35,000 feet in the air, moving faster than most of us can comprehend, with absolutely zero control over what’s happening. If something goes bump in your car, you pull over. If something goes bump on a plane, you stare at the seat in front of you and rethink every life decision.

Flying triggers two major psychological stressors:

1. Lack of control
2. Fear of catastrophic outcomes

Our brains are wired to feel safer when we’re in charge. In a car, we feel we can steer, brake, and avoid danger, even though, statistically, driving is far riskier.

The Science of Why It Feels So Intense

When turbulence hits, or a plane makes an unexpected maneuver, your brain’s threat-detection system, the amygdala, lights up. Heart rate rises. Breathing changes. Muscles tense. Your body prepares for danger, even when you’re actually safe.

It doesn’t matter that turbulence is usually just uncomfortable, not dangerous. Your body responds first. Logic arrives later.

That’s why people can know flying is safe and still feel terrified.

What Turbulence Really Is (And Why It Feels Worse Than It Is)

Turbulence is the number one trigger for nervous flyers,  myself included. When the plane suddenly drops or shakes, it feels like something is terribly wrong.

But turbulence is simply irregular air movement, similar to a car driving over bumps in the road. The plane is not “falling out of the sky.” In fact, commercial aircraft are built to withstand forces far greater than what turbulence typically produces.

Pilots are trained to anticipate it, radar systems help them avoid the roughest areas, and aircraft structures are rigorously tested. It may feel dramatic, but most turbulence is uncomfortable rather than dangerous.

One pilot once told me, “We slow down in turbulence for the same reason you slow down on a bumpy road, comfort, not because the car can’t handle it.” That perspective stuck with me.

Does that stop my heart from racing every time? Not always. But understanding what’s happening helps logic eventually catch up to emotion.

What Pilots Want Nervous Passengers to Know

Over the years, I’ve turned to pilot friends for support when anxiety begins to creep in during flights. Their calm, methodical perspective has been a source of comfort more times than they probably realize.

Here’s what they consistently emphasize:

Planes are designed with redundancy. Every critical system in modern aircraft has backups, and even those backups have secondary backups. Whether it’s the electrical system, hydraulic controls, or navigation, there are layers of fail-safes built into every stage of the flight. This design ensures that if one component fails, the backup system seamlessly takes over without interrupting the flight.

Turbulence is a normal part of flying. Pilots encounter turbulence regularly, and it’s something they’re well-trained to handle. While turbulence can feel unsettling to passengers, aircraft are designed to withstand far more than what we experience in the cabin. Pilots can often avoid the worst turbulence by adjusting altitude or rerouting slightly, thanks to their weather radar and real-time data from air traffic control.

Pilots have access to constant data. Thanks to advanced weather radar and continuous communication with air traffic control, pilots are never flying blind. They receive up-to-the-minute updates on weather patterns, air traffic, and other factors that might affect the flight, ensuring they can make the best safety decisions.

Go-arounds, aborted takeoffs, and delays are all safety decisions. If a pilot decides to go around after approaching an airport, or aborts a takeoff, it’s always because of safety, never because of panic or something unexpected. These decisions are part of the careful, calculated judgment that pilots make daily to ensure the flight’s safety.

And perhaps most reassuring of all:

“We want to go home, too.” Pilots are parents, partners, sons, and daughters. Just like passengers, they prioritize a safe landing. Confidence in the cockpit isn’t about bravado; it comes from years of training, experience, and a deep understanding of the safety systems designed to protect everyone on board. Pilots are calm because they trust the aircraft, their training, and their teams. Their sole focus is bringing everyone home safely.

The Facts That Matter (Even When Fear Is Loud)

Life offers no guarantees. But statistically, one of the safest places you can be is on a commercial airplane.

Let’s talk numbers.

Commercial aviation is one of the safest forms of transportation in the world. The risk of dying on a commercial flight is estimated at about 1 in 13.7 million passenger boardings worldwide. Put another way, a person could fly every day for thousands of years before encountering a fatal accident risk.

By comparison, the lifetime odds of dying in a car crash are about 1 in 93, making everyday driving far riskier. Even routine activities at home carry greater risk — injuries from falls on stairs occur far more frequently than injuries related to air travel.

When measured by distance traveled, the safety difference becomes even more striking. Car passengers experience roughly 42 injuries per 100 million miles traveled, while airline passengers experience about 0.004 injuries per 100 million miles.

This level of safety is not accidental. Modern aircraft are designed with multiple layers of redundancy, meaning critical systems have backups that activate immediately if a component fails. Flight controls, navigation systems, and power systems are engineered to prevent single points of failure and ensure continued safe operation.

Pilot training is equally rigorous. Crews train continuously in advanced simulators, practicing rare emergency scenarios and system failures so their responses become precise and automatic. In addition, flights are supported by air traffic controllers who monitor aircraft movement and maintain safe spacing, while maintenance teams follow strict inspection schedules and safety protocols.

Together, these layers of engineering, training, regulation, and oversight create one of the most reliable safety systems in modern transportation.

Flying may feel unfamiliar at times, but the data — and the systems behind it — show that it is remarkably safe.

And perhaps most importantly:

The pilots and flight attendants want to go home, too.

They are not casual about safety. Their lives are on the line right alongside yours.

My Turning Point

After that flight where my heart rate skyrocketed, I was convinced I was done. But I also knew that if I gave in completely, I would lose access to the world, to the people I love, to the cultures that inspire me, to the places that make life feel bigger.

So I got back on the plane.

Not because I was fearless.
Because I was determined.

And that’s when something surprising happened: the more I flew, the more my brain started learning that turbulence didn’t equal disaster. Aborted landings didn’t equal catastrophe. A tire issue didn’t equal doom.

Repeated, safe exposure slowly rewired my fear response. That’s the same principle used in exposure therapy, one of the most effective psychological treatments for phobias.

Did I stop being anxious entirely? No. Even recently, a sudden patch of severe turbulence had me whispering prayers again. But the difference now is this:

Fear shows up.
I still get on the plane.

Ways People Manage Fear of Flying

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Different tools help different people.

🧠 Knowledge & Facts

Learning how planes work, what turbulence actually is (essentially “air bumps,” not falling), and how pilots are trained can reduce fear of the unknown.

🗣 Talking to Pilots

I’m lucky to know some pilots, and I lean on them. Sometimes they reassure me. Sometimes they say, “That was rough, but still within normal limits.” I’ll take the truth over mystery any day.

💊 Medication

For some, short-term anti-anxiety medication prescribed by a doctor can be incredibly helpful. There is no shame in that. Managing mental health is just as important as managing physical health. I have been prescribed Ativan for flying. I always have it with me, but rarely use it.

Some people take Benadryl or Melatonin to help sleep through turbulence. That will never be me, as I can’t sleep on a plane, even when everything is smooth. I always get so jealous of those people!

🧘 Breathing & Grounding Techniques

Slow breathing, muscle relaxation, and focusing on physical sensations (like your feet on the floor) can help calm your nervous system mid-flight. Thrown in prayer, it helps to talk to someone, even if it is a silent conversation.

✈️ Gradual Exposure

Short flights first. Then longer ones. Step by step.

Repeated, safe experiences are one of the most powerful ways to retrain your brain’s fear response. Each flight that ends uneventfully gives your nervous system evidence that flying, while uncomfortable at times, is not actually dangerous. Over time, those experiences begin to outweigh the “what if” scenarios your mind creates.

It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Maybe you start with a one-hour flight, then two, then a cross-country trip. Confidence builds through repetition, not perfection. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, it’s to prove to yourself, again and again, that you can feel anxious and still be safe.

🧠 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

One approach that’s been especially effective for fear of flying is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The idea is simple: our thoughts influence how our bodies react.

When something bumps in the air, the automatic thought might be, “This means something is wrong.” CBT teaches you to pause and challenge that reaction with facts: turbulence is common, planes are built for it, and pilots train for it.

Over time, pairing real flying experiences with more balanced thoughts helps retrain your brain’s fear response. The goal isn’t to erase anxiety,  it’s to stop it from spiraling into panic. Many therapists specialize in this kind of work, and even a few sessions can give nervous flyers practical tools to stay grounded at 35,000 feet.

Though I have not used the online program Fear of Flying Help Course myself, it may be worth checking out the free options available.

Practical Things I Do to Reduce Stress

While we can’t control everything, we can reduce added stress.

• I choose nonstop flights when possible to reduce takeoffs and landings
• I avoid flying during severe weather seasons when I can
• I built in buffer time so delays don’t spike my anxiety
• I talk to crew members if I’m nervous, and they’re often incredibly kind

Control what you can. Accept what you can’t.

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A Personal Reflection: Fear Can Come Along,  It Just Can’t Be in Charge

Even now, after more than 1.6 million miles, I still have moments in the air when fear shows up uninvited. A sudden jolt of turbulence. An unexpected engine sound. A delayed landing. My heart still jumps.

But here’s what’s changed:

I don’t try to eliminate fear anymore.
It no longer gets to decide where I go.

Will it keep me from hugging the people I  love?

Every flight carries me toward something meaningful,  people I love, places I’ve dreamed about, experiences that expand my world. And every time I get off a plane, I’m reminded that I didn’t just reach a destination. I also quietly proved to myself that fear doesn’t get to run my life.

If you’re scared of flying, you’re not weak. You’re human. But you are also capable of doing hard things,  especially when something beautiful waits on the other side of that runway.

Fear may ride along.

But your dreams deserve the window seat.

© 2026 Wanderers Compass All Rights Reserved

National Geographic has a great article on how to combat fear of flying; check it out at this link.

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